“Make your ego porous.
Will is of little importance, complaining is nothing, fame is
nothing. Openness, patience,
receptivity, solitude is everything.”
-
Rainer Maria Rilke
There was a time when I would rather have bitten off my hand
then get off my horse and hand him to the clinician. My Ego has taken quite a beating since
then. I’ve failed two United States Pony
Club “B” ratings, I’ve failed two Driver’s license tests (don’t worry, I really
am a safe driver, especially with horses in tow), I failed to maintain a 4.0, I’ve
failed to diagnose simple ailments like abscesses or crooked hips. I fail daily at being an organized ambitious
professional and housewife, but I’m growing okay with my failings and that’s
helping me grow again.
I used to think I was hot stuff. After all, I was riding six plus horses a day
and lived in my trainer’s pocket. I
think I had a case of Proximity Ego.
Just because I was near great people, I assumed I was great too. It took many failures to teach me that I don’t
have all the answers. Even today I have
a hard time admitting to that one, but my horses are always right there to
remind me.
After Admiral broke his stifle last summer, I promised him
we’d start back at the beginning and pick up the pieces we missed the first two
times (another failure on my part). At
the clinic last weekend, it hit me why I so prefer riding Nutmeg. On Admiral I’m constantly pushing buttons
that aren’t there expecting them to have some result. So now we’re installing buttons.
Soften is the button on which we are currently working. Soften in your rib cage. Soften in your mouth. Soften your back. Soften your neck. Heck, I’d take softened lips (and so far,
that’s what I’ve managed to get, but it’s a start). I always thought I should return Admiral to
longe line work, but he was so unbalanced that the work was never
productive. It was anything but a way to
improve his softness. Last weekend I tossed
my ego aside and turned the dear boy over to a more educated set of hands.
To pad my pride a bit, she didn’t magically find the soft
button either. It’s something we really
will have to install. Too bad horses don’t
come with lifetime upgrades and spare parts kits. The process is going to take tools outside of
my current set, but she taught me to use the first one. Slowly but surely, we’re opening a place in
all his stiffness to let the soft button in.
At the same time, I’m being reminded to let the softness back into me.
When life gets difficult, we have a tendency to put up walls
of protection. We block out what we don’t
want to hear. We push back against
change. With all our rigidity, neither
the bad nor the good can penetrate our shells.
By letting our ego rule, we miss opportunities to learn. In an education starved time of life, I can’t
afford to miss those opportunities.
I have an Ego problem.
It isn’t going to change on its own.
I need to recognize others for what they have to offer and that starts
by learning to listen more and talk less.
Get off my high horse if I’m asked.
Would you like to join me at Ego’s Anonymous? Just remember to check the Ego at the door
and I’m sure you’ll gain a Fresh Perspective.
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